NICE VS KIND
PLUS: Eugénie Trochu's Fashion Proust Questionnaire
As a wandering Canadian for half my life now, I’ve been on a long, obligatory quest to work out the difference between being nice and being kind.
I don’t want to lump all of my compatriots into one psychological category (and it wouldn’t be accurate to do so) but we Canadians sometimes we have a tendency to be a bit too nice.
The thing with being surface-level “nice” is it’s not necessarily the key to, well, anything. Not even making other people feel good in the long run. Plus it genuinely kind of freaks people out in Paris. They’re just not buying it.
Neither culture has it all figured out. There are many Parisians who could stand to exercise a bit of self-restraint in terms of keeping their bad moods under their chapeaux. But one does eventually grow to appreciate their commitment to honesty.
Also, as a self-interested side-note: being too nice just won’t get you very far on a daily basis here—you’ll get chewed up and spit out, even by a passing waiter. For better or for worse people in Paris appreciate a little frankness, a bit of repartee, a tad of edge.
Anyway, if you’re too nice from the outset you are going to have to let people down eventually. “SURE I would love to go for lunch with you next week random person I just met! I totally have time for that!” (Shutup, you know you don’t.)
If however, you are genuinely, intrinsically kind where it counts —no matter how grand or important you are— that’s when and where you can really make others happy (and yourself too, in so doing).
So yeah. Nice is saying yes to something you know you’re probably going to have to back out of later. Nice is word vomiting compliments you don’t actually mean out of awkwardness. Nice is pretending to support someone’s weird doomed project, either for fear of being honest, or with some sneaky scheme of eventual personal gain in mind.
Kind is being there for people when they truly need you (cheesy AF but true). Kind is thinking of others’ longterm interests without said interests necessarily gelling with your own. Kind is random acts when people don’t expect them. When you observe people you love engaging in self-destructive behaviour, kindness is finding a way to tell them. As it turns out, on specific occasions that call for it, kindness is being “cruel to be kind” ie. brutally honest.
My friend Eugénie Trochu is living proof that you can literally be the Head of Editorial Content at Vogue France and be, well, kind. She’s smiley as anything but doesn’t get too bogged down with niceties —her kindness is deeper than that. I would go as far as to say that since taking on her role at Vogue she has re-set the tone for how Paris fashion people go around comporting themselves.
I’m lucky to have caught her for some quality time at the tail end of her maternity leave.
Here is Eugenie’s Fashion Proust Questionnaire:
What is your idea of a perfect outfit?
It's all about striking the right balance. Imagine a sleek, cashmere sweater that refuses to pill paired with the perfect mini skirt—classic, yet bold. Socks tucked into stylish loafers ready to traverse Paris on foot add a layer of chic practicality. This combination whispers an allure that's both effortlessly cool and subtly sensual, adorned with that indefinable French touch, "ce je ne sais quoi," that perfectly marries sophistication with a playful edge.
What is your greatest fashion fear?
Stepping out in an outfit that feels out of sync with my vibe. It's all about authenticity. And adding to that fear? The thought of running out of closet space. The ultimate style conundrum: finding the perfect piece, only to realize there's nowhere to put it.
What, in hindsight, is the worst outfit you’ve ever worn?
A too-bold attempt at reviving the full 70's bohemian look on a day that called for understated chic. Lesson learned: always stay true to yourself.
What is the worst outfit you’ve ever seen on someone else?
Let's just say not everyone can pull off neon and sequins before sunset. But fashion missteps are a personal journey. Who am I to judge?
Which living person’s style do you most admire?
Anyone who can mix vintage finds with modern basics, achieving that effortless look that says, "Oh, this old thing?"
What is your greatest extravagance?
Hunting down those rare pieces on Vinted. It's like treasure hunting, but with clothes.
What is your current state of mind with regards to the fashion industry?
Excited by the constant evolution, the blend of tradition with innovation, and the industry's slow but progressing move towards sustainability.
What do you consider the most overrated style virtue?
Blindly following trends. Style is personal, not a one-size-fits-all.
On what occasion do you lie about someone’s outfit?
"Oh, I love your... uniqueness!" Translation: It's not my cup of tea, but kudos for the courage.
What is the quality you like most in a man’s outfit?
A good pair of jeans. Simple, but it says so much.
What is the quality you like most in a woman’s outfit?
The ability to wear something vintage or second-hand and make it look like a million bucks.
Which fashion trend do you most despise?
Anything that sacrifices comfort for style. Why suffer?
Which words or phrases do you most overuse when describing fashion?
"Chic", "edgy", and "vintage" – guilty as charged.
Which runway collection in history was your greatest love?
Anything that brings back '90s minimalism or 70 bohemian chic with a modern twist. Adding to these loves is a deeply personal and unforgettable memory: witnessing Louis Vuitton fall winter 2011/2012 show by Marc Jacobs. This wasn't just any show; it was my introduction to the electrifying world of high fashion runways. The climax? Kate Moss, the epitome of both '90s cool and timeless chic, closing the show while nonchalantly smoking a cigarette. This moment wasn't merely about fashion; it was a bold, defiant statement, encapsulating the rebel spirit and leaving an indelible mark on my fashion consciousness.
When were you happiest with your own look?
When I like myself in the mirror and feel powerful. When my outfit perfectly reflects my mood and the occasion, blending high-end and casual elements flawlessly.
Which designer’s talent would you most like to have?
The visionary creativity and boundary-pushing of favorite designers like Margiela and Helmut Lang.
If you could change one thing about your wardrobe, what would it be?
More space.
If you were to die and come back as a fashion item, what would it be?
A vintage leather jacket – timeless and with character.
Where on earth do you get the most style inspiration?
My love for runway collections. The nostalgia for sleek lines or free-spirited aesthetics, reimagined for today's fashion scene, always strikes a chord with me. From the iconic runway moments of the '90s, like Alexander McQueen's Fall/Winter 1998 show that drew inspiration from historical figures and ended with a dramatic ring of fire, to the memorable YSL World Cup 1998 show that united the world of fashion with the fervor of football, these showcases were more than fashion; they were performance art that left an indelible mark on the industry. Versace's Fall/Winter 1991 collection is another unforgettable moment, blending music, fashion, and pop culture in a way that had never been seen before, making supermodels and runway shows part of mainstream conversation. The synergy of iconic models like Naomi Campbell, Linda Evangelista, Cindy Crawford, and Christy Turlington walking together while "Freedom" by George Michael played, is a vivid memory that encapsulates the '90s fashion zeitgeist perfectly . The '90s also brought us Perry Ellis's Spring/Summer 1993 collection by Marc Jacobs, which, despite its controversial reception at the time, now stands as a landmark moment that celebrated grunge—a style that defined a generation . For anyone looking to dive into '90s fashion trends, from Madonna's iconic "Vogue" performance at the 1990 MTV Music Awards to the versatile and glamorous looks featured in "Pretty Woman," there's an endless well of inspiration. Exploring these collections and moments offers a fascinating journey through an era that significantly shaped today's fashion landscape, blending nostalgia with a keen eye for forward-thinking design.
What is your most treasured possession?
Without a doubt, my Vivienne Westwood Pirate Boots. They're not just shoes; they're a statement.
What do you consider the lowest depth of fashion rock-bottom (ie. Karl’s sweatpants)
The realization that fashion's excesses have contributed to environmental challenges.
What is your favourite fashion-related occupation?
Vinted hunter. It's not official, but it should be.
What is your most marked style characteristic?
love for mixing eras—'90s vibes with contemporary chic.
Who are your favourite fashion writers?
Those who can navigate the fine line between nostalgia and forward-thinking style commentary.
Who is your style hero in fiction?
Any character that can rock a vintage find with confidence and mystery. Recently, undoubtedly Bella Baxter from "Poor Things." Her journey, marked by an evolution from innocence to a deeper understanding of the world, is mirrored in her increasingly complex and retrofuturistic wardrobe. The transition from silk capes and sculptural puff sleeves to organically textured pieces and daring designs like a latex coat not only reflects her personal growth but also the freeing journey from societal constraints. The costumes, masterfully created by Holly Waddington with a steampunk vibe free from the chains of historical realism, draw from the entire history of fashion, making Bella's style both a narrative and visual feast. Her character exemplifies how fashion in fiction can be a powerful tool for storytelling, embodying themes of liberation, transformation, and identity. Bella’s wardrobe, rich in surprising, elaborate, and steampunk-inspired pieces, positions her as a unique and memorable style icon within the realm of fictional characters.
Which historical figure’s style do you most identify with?
I'd say I most identify with and aspire to emulate the style of George Sand. Known for her bold defiance of 19th-century gender norms, Sand's approach to dress was both a personal statement and a public declaration. She often wore men's clothing at a time when such choices were both revolutionary and controversial. This choice was not merely about comfort or preference; it was a deliberate challenge to societal expectations and a manifestation of her views on gender equality and freedom. Her style speaks to a blend of elegance, rebellion, and the pursuit of personal authenticity—qualities that resonate with anyone who values not just fashion, but fashion as a form of expression and liberation.
Which individual that you know (or have known) personally most influenced your style?
Every forgotten fashion icon whose pieces I've rescued from vintage shops and vinted. They've all left a mark.
What would you like to wear to your own funeral?
I don’t care? Jewellery?
What is your style motto?
"Wear what makes you feel like you. Style is about expression, not impressing others."
I so resonate with the nice vs kind thing! A lot of the time I feel out of sync with other people in Stockholm because I feel like a lot of people are nice, but anyone is rarely kind. Harsh but true.
Love this article; the kind vs nice part is very interesting. I too am someone who is too often nice because I hate letting people down.
Thanks for doing the questionnaire with Eugenie, she is an ICON! ❤️🔥