THE LONG SHORT OF IT
A case for Bermudas...
Ok, let me get this off my chest. Or bottom, as it were.
In the noughties… I wore mini denim cut-offs like, all summer long.
This was largely propelled by the fact that my summer job was at —cringe— Abercrombie, where a large part of my job was to —cringe— accost unsuspecting shoppers, pre-dizzied by the brand’s absurdly pungent cologne, with a seasonal tagline written by the intellectuals at A&F HQ.
“Hey!” I’d bound up to a stressed out middle-aged woman or lost-looking teen boy in search of a gift for his crush, “Have you checked out our sexy new low-rise jean shorts?” They’d stare back in bewilderment, at which point I was to gesture down to said shorts, which I’d dutifully slithered into that morning. When you weren’t “greeting customers” you were to spritz the brand’s signature cologne around the store until your index finger went numb. Behind plants, onto piles of clothes, directly into people’s faces, and what have you.
I won’t unpack the many problematic aspects of the cult formerly known as A&F. This has (rightly) already been done. Suffice to say that since that time in my life I have absolutely not been able to so much as consider a pair of short-shorts on account of stylistic and olfactory PTSD (and of course, it goes without saying that I got off very lightly).
Truly, this repulsion hasn’t been out of any kind of sartorial modesty —I love miniskirts and have always worn them in both summer and winter (the latter with tights… yay for tights!)
I just couldn’t see mini-shorts as anything but aggressively try hard. Add to that the fact that my Parisian husband is vocally and unflinchingly obsessed with the fact that shorts in the city are strictly for tourists, and you got a gaping hole in my wardrobe for some years.
Until… a few seasons ago, designers I loved started offering a longer, more elegant answer to the short conundrum. Hmmm… thought I. Maybe these aren’t just for grannies and people looking for the Eiffel Tower. Denim brands like Agolde, Goldsign and Frame had jean shorts, many with the same lovely pre-washed vibe and frayed bottoms, but in longer, looser cuts. Meanwhile, Bermuda shorts, I realised, were often just as well-tailored as a great pair of trousers, some even with flattering seams included, but calf-bearing. And there’s nothing like a bare calf in terms of both staying cool and doing justice to great summer footwear.
Plus timeless references abound —less Daisy Duke with a bail of hay, more Jane Goodall with a baby bonobo. Less iced-Starbucks toting ‘Stars! They’re Just Like Us!’ pap shots, more Jackie Kennedy looking, well, just like us on summer hols. I don’t know if Kristin Scott Thomas ever actually wears a pair of khaki Bermudas in The English Patient, but I just feel like her character would, you know?
Long story short: thus began my love affair with Bermudas. In recent years they’ve become a full-on summer staple of mine. I have white, faded-blue and grey denim ones (pro tip—you can cut these yourself from old jeans!) I have a tailored pair with a perfect waistline in khaki and some in brown linen. I even wore a pair of black satin Bermudas with a frilly lace detail skimming the knee recently (see below).
The thrill of it! Shorts were back in my heart, and on 50% of my leg; the warm spring breeze whipped against my knees, and I absolutely wasn’t transported back to those stifling summer days trapped at the mall.
Weekly Recs!
Read: The Making of Jackie Kennedy
Speaking of Jackie, I got very into this piece in the New Yorker. Next time you’re considering writing her off as a shrinking violet who just married famous men, *remember* Jackie once sent a dead snake in a hat box to her famously insufferable and controlling mother.
Need: Summer dresses by Skall Studio
One of my new favourite Scandi-brands, with super-responsibly made, relaxed-fit dresses to throw over your bather. They have matching ones for the kiddos too.
Follow: @LianaFinck cartoons on Instagram (and Substack!)
As funny as they are dark as they are honest as they are funny.
https://rwhanyadam.site/
I loathe summer dressing and am also wary of the sun! Bermuda shorts just might be the answer. The only issue I'll have is finding appropriate shoes which are actually walkable.